Happiness Is…Bald and Wrinkled Aliens….#SoundtrackSunday

Standard

This week is easy, for me because it’s all about happiness. When I scan my life for the happiest of happy memories, there are three that stick out a million times beyond the rest. Oddly enough, they are some of the most bloody, painful, and confusing times of my life and resulted in the introduction to a bald, wrinkled alien life form into my life. Yes, I’m talking about becoming a mother and for me (someone who NEVER wanted children), it was a wild and crazy ride indeed.

Note: Shortly after each one of my children were born, I selected a song for them. These songs, to me, represent their individual spirits in the rawest forms. One thing about being a mother that no-one ever tells you is the ways in which you KNOW your child. You know their soul on a deeper level than anything you’ve ever experienced before and (for me, at least) this “knowing” occurs before they ever walked or talked…before the world molds them into individual beings. I think that knowing their offspring’s raw spirit helps a mother realize their child’s potential. It’s the reason that mothers will fight against a world that tells them their children “cannot” do something and motivates them to hold their children up, even in their weakest moments…Anyway, these songs are the songs that solidify the moment of birth and of “knowing” for me. They are my children’s spirit songs. Whatever they become, I will always remember who they really are…I will always see their beautiful spirits.

October 6, 2009 3:27 AM

My son was born 6 weeks early. My water had broken  on Friday afternoon but the ER told me it wasn’t broken and sent me home. It wasn’t until I followed up with the doctor that Monday that they confirmed my water had actually been broken and they sent me in to be induced. I was terrified, being a first time mother, and exclaimed that I still have 6 weeks left, I hadn’t attended my parenting class yet, and nothing was ready. It didn’t matter, Rymi was on his way to meet me and in the wee hours of the next morning, he came into my world, and changed everything about me.

From the moment he was born, he was a very sensitive and overactive child. He was colicy, particular (due, in part, to the rampat spoiling), and he didn’t sleep for the first 6 months of his life. Still, everyone was drawn to him (they still are) and EVERYONE loves him. I have watched him grow into a talented comedian and he is the happiest when he’s the center of attention. He’s still high strung and hyperactive. I guess he always will be but he will be popular and loved.

He’s 4 now and what he wants to do when he grows up is “make monster makeup”. I can see him in Hollywood one day, whether it’s behind the scenes or on the stage. He’s just that kind of person. Sometimes I worry that he’ll have problems staying grounded. I’m worried that he’ll forget about the simple things in life…I’m worried that he’ll lose himself in his own character and find himself unable to be aware and thankful for the simplest, most fulfilling aspects of life. So, this is his song. Because, at the end of the day, I know my mission as a mother is to “ground” him…keep him centered. I know my mission is to help him become a Simple Man (well, maybe just a simpler man)

September 11, 2010 12:29 PM

My pregnancy with the girls had been a long, hard road. I was in the hospital for a week before their arrival and although I was glad to know exactly WHEN they were coming, my body was tired from Preeclampsia and months of bedrest. With them, it was a C-Section and the doctors had warned me that they may not cry immediately. It felt unnatural to be bringing my daughters into the world this way and the dual teams of nurses in the room only made the experience more terrifying.

I was lying on the table, half alive, when I heard the screams of my little “baby a”. I was delighted that she came out, screaming and I knew that everything was going to be alright. This was a good indication for what Kaya’s personality was going to be. She is the most calm of all my children. She is as steady as the stream but as strong as stone. She is nurturing and protective…she’s my mother earth baby.

Of course, this song relates to her because it is her namesake but it’s the peaceful, rhythmic reggae music that reminds me of her spirit. There are times when things are chaotic and Kaya finds a way to soothe me. Kaya literally means “enlightenment” and, of all my children, I know that she’ll be the wisest and strongest. She’ll probably be the one who needs me the least but this makes being her mother even more challenging. I know I’ll have to recognize her needs, because she’ll never bring them to me willingly. I know that I’ll have to break through her stone barrier and make her allow me to support her for once. I will have to help her soften to the world and realize that it’s okay NOT to be the one who takes care of everyone else. I will have to help her understand that it’s okay for her to take care of herself from time to time.

September 11, 2010 12:30 PM

Kaylin came into the world, a minute later and 3x louder than her sister had a minute previous. She had a rough go of it, at first. Although there has never been more than 1/2 difference in hers and her sister’s weight, she seems so much smaller than her older sister. She’s certainly much more soft than her.

But she’s a DIVA! Since the moment she was born, she has put herself in direct competition with her sister and is always trying to “out-do” every other child she meets. She’s also very finicky. Even as a newborn, she had very strong preferences and a equally strong voice which she used to voice her opinions. There is no such thing as convincing this child that she cannot wear her princess dress to the store or sleep in a tu-tu.

She’s so girly, in juxtaposition to both her sister and myself, and from the time she could walk she would put her purse on her arm and priss around the room. She cannot sit in the buggy in the clothing ilse and she’s more inclined to shoes than baby dolls. She is my little queen.

My challenge with her is going to be helping her understand that she is not her sister’s subset…she is an individual and she’s amazing for it. I want her to know that she’s “beautiful in her way because god makes no mistakes”.

What is this blog about, anyway? #zerotohero

Standard

In Darkness Within, one my main character’s first inner conflicts revolves around the words “Define Yourself”. For her, it isn’t the definition that’s a problem, it’s the admission of that definition that scares her (and for good reason). I thought it was a fitting conflict for her, not only because of the context of the story, but also because it’s something we all struggle with.

But, this post is not about Awen Murdock and her struggle between the physical world and the otherworld, it’s about me. It’s about this blog and the kind of things I write. For anyone who knows me or is already following my blog, you will appreciate how difficult this task is for me. I tend to be kind of “all over the place” and don’t do well with pinning myself to one subject or task.

So, you might be looking at my blog and asking yourself the question: What is this blog about? It’s about me, the blogger, of course and because I am a complex being with complex desires and motivations, there will be a great deal of variety to the content on this blog. I will try to pin it to the core subjects (while giving you some background information about myself).

Authorship

Obviously, I’m a writer. I never went to school for it; never formally studied journalism but I’m pretty good at it. It’s the biggest piece of “who I am”. It’s what I’ve always done. However, I am just making the leap from  notebook/journal writing and the occasional story contest to author.

I put this one closest to the top because it’s what I write about (most of the time). From time to time, I might talk about the projects I’m working on or a project I’ve already published. I might give a shout out to a fellow indie author whose work I really liked and I might even do reviews of other indie works from time to time.

Mostly, I will be blogging about writing in general: my frustrations and triumphs; my processes (or lack of real process); what I think about writing strategies (what has and hasn’t worked for me). I will probably write a lot about book marketing and promotion because it is has been the bain of my existence…If I find something that does work or something that fails miserably, I will let my readers know. If I feel like yelling and screaming (maybe cussing a little) at the gods of book promotion, I will write about it.

I guess you can say that I’m a “baby author” or an “author in training”. I wouldn’t call my blogging on this subject expert advice but it does hold weight because it’s a chronicle of the experiences I am having with writing and self-publishing (who knows, maybe traditional publishing in the future). I hope that other authors (both established and aspiring) gain something from reading my musings on the subject.

Furthermore, the very definition of why I have started blogging recently is because I love the indie author community. I want, above all else, to create an environment where authors (indie and traditional), bloggers, poets, journalists, ect. (let’s just sum it up as writers, in all shapes and sizes) can come together in open discourse and two way dialogue.

 

However: Be Warned…I will also digress: a lot. The two most common sources of my digression will be:

Spirituality

I was born in the foothills of West Virginia and I love my home, even though I’m far from it. I’m not a “country girl” in the social context that one would think but I do love the  natural world. I grew up climbing trees and rolling in grass all day long and I find myself at home when I’m connecting with nature. Because of this, and my metaphysical views, I have found a home in the study of Druidry.

From time to time, I will blog about it, too. Not because I want to come across preachy or spread the word about “my religion” but because it’s a part of who I am. I actually don’t believe that one religion (or philosophy, or any train of thought) is “better” than another. I’m saying this to make sure it is known that, although I will be writing about it a lot, it’s not the focus of my blog and I wouldn’t want to build a readership of ONLY Druid or Pagan readers.

Parenting

My children are my world. I try not to blog about them too much, because there are a lot of parenting blogs out there and I am (by far) an expert on the subject matter. Also, I want to give them a bit of privacy. They are too young (ages 4, 3 and 3) to have a say about what content I post about them so I try to keep embarrassing stories about them to a minimum. This blog would probably be a lot more interesting if I included every anecdote that they give me on a daily basis (they’re the funniest kids in the world) but I don’t think it would be fair.

However, being a mother of twins (actually, “Irish triplets”—my son is only 11 months older than my twins) does allow me some insight into the psychological or social aspects of twins, or raising children in general. I will write about that. Because it’s valuable and because it interests me (for instance, it’s exciting to look at the nature vs. nurture debate based on the raising of twins).

Maybe psychology, sociology, and philosophy should be a subset of my blog but I’m not going to do that because I will only write about these subjects on a whim and I do it quite subtly. I don’t see the need for spouting jargon because I’m an observer rather than an expert. I might write about my observations of society or a certain philosophical debate but I’m not going to bog my writing down with technical jargon and such. So, you don’t have worry about being bored to death by these rants. 😀

I think I’ve done a pretty good job at defining myself with this post but I must post a disclaimer. I have proven, in the past, to be pretty undefinable. One day, you might visit my blog and see a random post about the plausibility of lollipop rain (my husband and I actually have had this conversation). In the name of being a good blogger, I will try to write mostly about authorship but I know that I tend to write a lot about spirituality and parenting as well. I just want you to be warned that left field topics may occur on my blog most of the time.