#BeQuotable…Day 9…Movie Quotes…#DirtyDancing

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“I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of what I saw. I’m scared of what I did, of who I am…and most of all, I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.” ~Dirty Dancing

I could list, literally, hundreds (maybe thousands) of movie quotes that are epically awesome, have touched me/made me feel something or that I find profound. I chose this particular quote for today’s post, not because it’s the best of my favorite movie quotes or one liners. I chose this quote because it was the first movie quote that I remember having a significant effect on me. I watched Dirty Dancing when I was 5 years old (5 years after the movie’s release) and most of the movie confused me, at that age. This particular scene, however, grabbed my attention and when Jennifer Grey delivered these lines, I got chills. It was the beginning of a wonderful relationship with movies. I understand, even then, the power that movies have on the viewer; the manner in which our movie watching experiences shape our thoughts, behaviors and realities. Movies are the most modern and relevant method of delivery for the written word….and I love really well written movies.

So, readers, I want to open the comment section up…I want to know what your favorite movie quotes are. *Comment Below*

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Happiness Is…Bald and Wrinkled Aliens….#SoundtrackSunday

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This week is easy, for me because it’s all about happiness. When I scan my life for the happiest of happy memories, there are three that stick out a million times beyond the rest. Oddly enough, they are some of the most bloody, painful, and confusing times of my life and resulted in the introduction to a bald, wrinkled alien life form into my life. Yes, I’m talking about becoming a mother and for me (someone who NEVER wanted children), it was a wild and crazy ride indeed.

Note: Shortly after each one of my children were born, I selected a song for them. These songs, to me, represent their individual spirits in the rawest forms. One thing about being a mother that no-one ever tells you is the ways in which you KNOW your child. You know their soul on a deeper level than anything you’ve ever experienced before and (for me, at least) this “knowing” occurs before they ever walked or talked…before the world molds them into individual beings. I think that knowing their offspring’s raw spirit helps a mother realize their child’s potential. It’s the reason that mothers will fight against a world that tells them their children “cannot” do something and motivates them to hold their children up, even in their weakest moments…Anyway, these songs are the songs that solidify the moment of birth and of “knowing” for me. They are my children’s spirit songs. Whatever they become, I will always remember who they really are…I will always see their beautiful spirits.

October 6, 2009 3:27 AM

My son was born 6 weeks early. My water had broken  on Friday afternoon but the ER told me it wasn’t broken and sent me home. It wasn’t until I followed up with the doctor that Monday that they confirmed my water had actually been broken and they sent me in to be induced. I was terrified, being a first time mother, and exclaimed that I still have 6 weeks left, I hadn’t attended my parenting class yet, and nothing was ready. It didn’t matter, Rymi was on his way to meet me and in the wee hours of the next morning, he came into my world, and changed everything about me.

From the moment he was born, he was a very sensitive and overactive child. He was colicy, particular (due, in part, to the rampat spoiling), and he didn’t sleep for the first 6 months of his life. Still, everyone was drawn to him (they still are) and EVERYONE loves him. I have watched him grow into a talented comedian and he is the happiest when he’s the center of attention. He’s still high strung and hyperactive. I guess he always will be but he will be popular and loved.

He’s 4 now and what he wants to do when he grows up is “make monster makeup”. I can see him in Hollywood one day, whether it’s behind the scenes or on the stage. He’s just that kind of person. Sometimes I worry that he’ll have problems staying grounded. I’m worried that he’ll forget about the simple things in life…I’m worried that he’ll lose himself in his own character and find himself unable to be aware and thankful for the simplest, most fulfilling aspects of life. So, this is his song. Because, at the end of the day, I know my mission as a mother is to “ground” him…keep him centered. I know my mission is to help him become a Simple Man (well, maybe just a simpler man)

September 11, 2010 12:29 PM

My pregnancy with the girls had been a long, hard road. I was in the hospital for a week before their arrival and although I was glad to know exactly WHEN they were coming, my body was tired from Preeclampsia and months of bedrest. With them, it was a C-Section and the doctors had warned me that they may not cry immediately. It felt unnatural to be bringing my daughters into the world this way and the dual teams of nurses in the room only made the experience more terrifying.

I was lying on the table, half alive, when I heard the screams of my little “baby a”. I was delighted that she came out, screaming and I knew that everything was going to be alright. This was a good indication for what Kaya’s personality was going to be. She is the most calm of all my children. She is as steady as the stream but as strong as stone. She is nurturing and protective…she’s my mother earth baby.

Of course, this song relates to her because it is her namesake but it’s the peaceful, rhythmic reggae music that reminds me of her spirit. There are times when things are chaotic and Kaya finds a way to soothe me. Kaya literally means “enlightenment” and, of all my children, I know that she’ll be the wisest and strongest. She’ll probably be the one who needs me the least but this makes being her mother even more challenging. I know I’ll have to recognize her needs, because she’ll never bring them to me willingly. I know that I’ll have to break through her stone barrier and make her allow me to support her for once. I will have to help her soften to the world and realize that it’s okay NOT to be the one who takes care of everyone else. I will have to help her understand that it’s okay for her to take care of herself from time to time.

September 11, 2010 12:30 PM

Kaylin came into the world, a minute later and 3x louder than her sister had a minute previous. She had a rough go of it, at first. Although there has never been more than 1/2 difference in hers and her sister’s weight, she seems so much smaller than her older sister. She’s certainly much more soft than her.

But she’s a DIVA! Since the moment she was born, she has put herself in direct competition with her sister and is always trying to “out-do” every other child she meets. She’s also very finicky. Even as a newborn, she had very strong preferences and a equally strong voice which she used to voice her opinions. There is no such thing as convincing this child that she cannot wear her princess dress to the store or sleep in a tu-tu.

She’s so girly, in juxtaposition to both her sister and myself, and from the time she could walk she would put her purse on her arm and priss around the room. She cannot sit in the buggy in the clothing ilse and she’s more inclined to shoes than baby dolls. She is my little queen.

My challenge with her is going to be helping her understand that she is not her sister’s subset…she is an individual and she’s amazing for it. I want her to know that she’s “beautiful in her way because god makes no mistakes”.

Love Songs for the Future Divorcee…#Valentine #SoundtrackSunday

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SountrackSundayValentines

My experiences in relationships hasn’t given me much cause to sing the praises of love. As it turns out, the hopelessly romantic aren’t great when it comes to recognizing flaws in would-be partners or determining compatibility. So, I have found myself in more than enough toxic and unstable relationships. These types of relationships can only lead to breakups, or (in my most recent one) divorce.

Sitting on the edge of a failed marriage and an impending divorce, you could understand how I might not be in the mood to “share the love” this Valentine’s Day. I’m warning you now, if you’re all hopped up on boxed chocolates, this may not be the post for you. There will be no singing birds and blooming flowers…only the melancholy of a bitter future divorcee.

My Marriage

The less I say the better but if I had to choose one song to explain the dynamic in my marriage, it would be “One Week” by the Barenaked Ladies. It’s a whimsical outlook on a dysfunctioning relationship. For a while, our arguments were “cute” and even enduring. However, after 3 children and thousands of “disagreements”, the novelty wore off and I learned how much is lost when two people stay in a relationship that is dysfunctioning.

Through the Divorce

Breaking up is never as quick and painless as we want it to be. When it’s five years, three children and a legally binding marriage certificate, I’m finding that the “pulling back” factor is amplified. Maybe it’s because there was such a large dynamic of the push and pull in our marriage…maybe it’s because it’s bittersweet to be breaking ties with someone who was once your everything…maybe it’s because it’s because my idealistic brain still clings to the idea of a happy ending. At the end of the day, I remember the reasons why we are better people apart…this is the song that reminds me of that and keeps me grounded in my “weaker” moments.

In the End

“I guess I just lost my husband…I don’t know where he went…I’m going to drink my money…I’m not going to pay his rent”

There comes a point in every breakup, separation or divorce that you just have to put your head up and own it. That’s where I am right now. I hear all the whispers behind my back…I know that there is a camp of people forming who have issue with the fact that I walked out on my marriage. It’s almost that I’m less of a woman because I have a mind of my own and I have the power to walk out on a situation that wasn’t healthy…To those people, I say “So What”…Until you have walked a mile in my shoes, you can never understand how much I fought for my marriage…you can never understand my reasons for leaving and quite frankly, I’m tired of explaining them.

Honorable Mentions

*All songs are linked to respective YouTube videos

Sara Bareilles-King of Anything

Liz Phair-Divorce Song

Evanescence-My Immortal

The Avett Brothers-Open Ended Life

 

Fight Songs…Soundtrack Sunday Week 2…#Superbowl

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Soundtrack Sunday

In honor of Superbowl Sunday, this week is all about fight songs—the songs that fire us up, motivate us and help us fight back. I feel like I could do a really long playlist on this topic and it has been really hard but I’ve paired my selection down to a few (and cleaned it up a bit).

Eminem-Survival

For fighting back…

I know it’s not the most positive music but sometimes life is gritty and picking yourself up and fighting back requires getting dirty. For me, deep beets and flowing rhymes (like the ones in this song) are an anthem of my angsty teenage years. In my room, I was isolated and disconnected from the world around me. I was harboring secrets, pent up with anger, and never really felt accepted. Artists like D12, Bone Thugz & Harmony, Nas, Jay-Z, and (most predominantly) Eminem became the soundtrack for all the parts of myself that I couldn’t share with the world…all the things that separated me from those around me. I have always considered Hip Hop to be modern day poetry and through it, I learned what it was to be raw…to be proud…and to fight back. For my soundtrack, I’m choosing a more contemporary song by Eminem, because it is the one that I can connect with in my adult life the most.

“If I ain’t got enough in the tank, maybe I can just syphon enough” —Survival, Eminem

That’s exactly how I feel with a table full of bills, a to do list that grows by the minute and the needs of everyone around me piling up to my neck. When I feel that I don’t have enough, I just reach down deeper and syphon some more.

Fighter-Christina Aguilera

For fighting those who try to hold me back…

This song reaches me on so many levels. Everytime I hear it, it pumps me up and makes me feel strong. It reminds me that every battle I have ever fought and every person who has ever tried to hold me back has only made me stronger. Now, I’m done fighting with people. I’m wise enough now to recognize the truth inside…to see people for who they are and avoid the ones that want to use or damage me.

“Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing. Just so you could cash in on a good thing before I’d realize your game. I heard you’re going round playing the victim now. But don’t even begin feeling I’m the one to blame. ‘Cause you dug your own grave. After all of the fight and lies ’cause you’re wanting to haunt me. But that won’t work anymore, no more. It’s over.” -Christina Aguilera, Fighter

**The above lyrics from the song speak particularly to the desolation of my failed marriage***

Born this Way-Lady Gaga

For fighting myself…

On the days that I’m fighting myself…the days that I revert to my childhood state of not embracing myself for everything I am and everything that I was made to be, I crank up this song. Only then do I remember that “I’m beautiful in my way, ’cause God makes no mistakes.” This song hold particular significance as a fight song for me because one of the things I have fought against my entire life was my sexuality. I really feel that songs like this helped me find peace with the fact that my attraction to members of the same sex wasn’t something to hide…that if I learned to love me for me, then the world would do the same. I was much more worried about my own mother’s reaction than that of “the world” but when I finally found the strength to tell her, her response was “Yeah, I’ve known that since you were a teenager”. Finally, I accept myself and the world accepts me…I am whole and ready to take on the world…

Girl on Fire-Alicia Keys

For conquering the world…

I’ve only just begun fighting. I feel that I’ve gone through the trenches and fought all my inner battles. I’ve slayed the demons in my life and now I’m ready to move forward. I’m a soldier and a survivor. I’m an independent woman, single mother and I’m building a name for myself (one brick at a time). If I get weary and my confidence begins to falter, I simply have to remember all the battles I’ve fought to get to where I am right now…I simply have to remember that I’m a girl and I’m on fire.

Soundtrack Sunday Week 1 Roundup!

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What do Ian Broudie, Bert and Ernie and Flogging Molly all have in common? They were all featured in Week 1 of the Soundtrack Sunday Blog Challenge!

I really enjoyed this first week. In case you missed it, week 1 was all about beginnings. It was very interesting to see how different participants interpreted the prompt and I really enjoyed reading the posts that were submitted.

Kerry S from “Aspernauts” wrote a beautiful post about the songs that became her lullabies when she became a mother. You can check that post out here:

http://aspernauts.wordpress.com/2014/01/25/mix-tape-tracks-1-2-ian-broudie-and-the-manics/

Rose B Fischer took us back to her childhood and some of the songs which marked the beginning of learning and loving music for many of us. You can check out that post here:

http://rosebfischer.wordpress.com/2014/01/26/soundtrack-sunday-beginnings/

I wrote about  my heritage, my hometown and how every new beginning I have defines me. That post can be found here:

https://ashleywillismusings.wordpress.com/2014/01/26/within-a-mile-from-home-soundtracksunday/

I’m really excited about seeing how week 2 goes. The prompt for the week will go up on Friday at Noon and I will be looking forward to seeing what everybody does with it on Sunday. If you are interested in joining in on the Soundtrack Sunday Blog Challenge, check out the challenge page for the “guidelines” and for blog buttons you can use to tell the world that you’re participating. The blog event has been listed on The Daily Post so you can check it out there, as well.

I also want to say that I’m open for suggestions. If you have an idea for a prompt or just have a general suggestion about the blog challenge, I would love to hear it. You can email me at acwilliswriting@gmail.com with any feedback or just post it in the comments.

 

“Within A Mile From Home”…#SoundtrackSunday

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I grew up in the Mountains of West Virginia. My hometown was just a blip on the map but it was warm and comfortable. I was raised in the arms of Mother Nature and the songs of my summers were rooted in my Irish heritage. In those days, I yearned for change. Instead of appreciation, I stared, in spite, at the steady streams and felt smothered by the hills. My hometown was so small and I felt so big. I, somehow, wanted to be more than the place I came from.

So, I traveled. With every new beginning, I became something more than myself but I never became something new. Instead, I found myself clinging more tightly to my everything I had run from. I searched for the faces of my hometown in the moon, stars and above. I listened for the sweet sounds of my grandmother singing; her Irish voice ringing clear in the wind.

The further I am from my beginnings, the harder I search for them. Eventually, it has become a reminder of everything I have lost…and gained. No matter where I go in life, or how many new beginnings I may have, I am always “Within A Mile of Home.”

The grittiness of my Irish Heritage, the soft blow of the mountain wind, and the rhythm of my Uncle’s guitar…these are all things that are so ingrained within my soul that they can never be removed. Yet, I have removed myself from them. In doing this, I have become a hybrid of the world. The rhythms of all the places I have been and every person I have loved adds to the foundation that was built during my childhood. I replace my bluegrass roots with the punk rock of my rebellious spirit. It’s the same rhythm but at a different pitch. I am the same soul but with a  different song. I’m “Within a Mile From Home” but still so far from it.

Flogging Molly is a perfect example of this…they are so traditionally Irish with a punk rock twist. It is impossible to limit their music to just one genre. Like me, they are hybrids of the world. Still, they remain true to their roots. I love this band, and this song because it reminds me that in all my twists and turns in life, that I am never far from being the person I was at the beginning…it reminds me to stay true to myself and never turn my back on the place from which I came….

“Don’t turn your back on me, don’t ever let me down.” 

I hope this is a promise that I always keep.

almostheaven