I woke up this morning, with a story on the edge of my brain. Well, actually, it was the end to a story…A story that I’ve been working on too long. Last night, as it often happens, all the details worked itself out in my brain and I awoke this morning, ready to hash out the remainder of the story.
Great, right? Not so much.
I didn’t get to the computer fast enough. I milled around, took care of some things for my kids, talked to my mom, and brushed my teeth. By the time I made my way to my computer, the information had become a thin veil in my brain. I’ve tried, all day, to recall it…nothing has worked.
I’ve tried to write something else…I’ve tried to focus and meditate on it…I’ve tried scribbling circles on a blank piece of paper, hoping that it would come out…What did I get out of this? A whole heap of nothingness.
The forgotten information weighs on me. A ball of anxiety sits heavy on my chest and a fog descends over my brain. I can’t move forward and the constant distraction of my life compounds the feeling of being stuck.
It’s days like this that I curse my brain for its ever moving nature. If I could only learn to focus through distraction…I would be a better writer. If I could only find a quiet space…my thoughts could have free roam. If I wasn’t so ADD…I wouldn’t sucuum to writer’s block.
I used to keep a notebook beside my bed. Perhaps I’ll have to start doing that again. But then again, who knows what would happen to it in the middle of the night. I’m sure it would become a place for my son’s drawings, instead of my waking thoughts.
Okay, my head hurts now. I’m going to go find something else to do…staring at this computer screen is driving me crazy. Maybe when I return, I will do so with a recovered memory. Hey, I”ve written this…that’s something, right?